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behindtheglory
Behind.The.Glory
 
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Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

 
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Mad at the World

I'm not so good realizing
Who I can or cannot trust
It's best to keep what not is vague
With harmless lies I can adjust

I get a D for disapointment
Now there's nothing to regret
everybody's good for something
At least you know what you won't get

I let you down again
What's another harmless lie between friends
Now you can't be disappointed
I thought I gave you just exactly what you wanted

 
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M A S H ! ! !

Remember when you were a kid and you would play mash on a piece of paper.  You know, that game that tells you who you're gonna marry and what kind of job you'll have.  Well guess what!  There's a website that you can play it on...


Play MASH online

 
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Saw
Ok, wow.  I just watched the movie Saw.  That is an incredible movie.  It had me thinking for a long time after i watched it.  Its definitely twisted but thats what made it so much scarier.  I mean, it wasn't like some ghost was haunting them.  This could actually happen.  Its always been said that there is a very thin line between psychopath and genius and this movie def. proves it.  Can you imagine if someone actually came up with that? 
 
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Be Careful Naming Children
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
 
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Crazy 40

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- I love that my housemate has decided to randomly point out all of the things I do that drive him crazy,...
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